Tom Brady is old.
He’s definitely older today than he was yesterday. Yes, today is his birthday. Little Baby Brady was born on Aug. 3, 1977, which was a long time ago.
I know you know that was a long time ago. Because anything that starts with a 19 in the year is already old. Back then Will Smith wasn’t problematic. Phones were connected to walls. Friends were met in person and not via text message. It was a wild time.
Well, Brady is even older than that. He’s even older than these things:
That TV show that was totally famous but you only sort of heard about because it’s so old? Yeah, they came out when Tom was crawling around in diapers.
At one point in time driving to your friend's house was more perilous than backpacking through cocaine country.
You had to watch the road as you flipped through 30 pages of discs for that one perfect album that you had to then throw into your Discman that was connected by 14 wires to your car stereo. Then you had to hope you didn’t hit a pothole or the music skipped and your car karaoke session of TLC’s “Waterfalls” just didn’t sound right.
Brady’s older than this memory.
Superman The Movie
This was a good movie. But it’s old. Look at the special effects. You could recreate the same thing by sticking your arms out and pretending to fly around the living room.
Cool Ranch Doritos
If it seems like Cool Ranch Doritos have been around for forever, you’re not wrong. It certainly seems that way. But in actuality they were produced in 1986.
Things Just Barely Older than Tom
You can’t make these things up.
Happy birthday to the GOAT.