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Important Update On That Oakland A’s Fans’ Alleged Midgame Sex Act Story

We don't have answers on the mystery couple from Oakland but we do have something.

Anything worth doing is worth doing during the middle of a meaningless Oakland A’s game during the dog days of summer at RingCentral Coliseum.

That includes whatever it was two fans were doing in the cheapest seats in baseball: Oral sex? Macramé? Playing Uno?

Whatever it was the Internet was sure intrigued with the possibilities.

According to CBS News, there hasn’t been much in the way of details in this sudden baseball mystery.

"We have initiated an investigation," police said in an email, via the report. "However, the parties have not been identified and no one has been cited/arrested at this time."

According to the publication, if this act the two were engaged in was indeed lewd, it is considered a misdemeanor “punishable by six months in jail and/or a fine of up to $1,000.”

Incidentally, that is roughly the season salary of the left side of the A’s infield.

While we don’t have closure we do have a development in the case. A group of diehard A’s fans braved the elements and the dozen other fans to make their way to the nosebleeds to show their support with signs.

Yeah, they were booted.

That concludes the most important A’s story in 2022. We will see you again next season when Oakland trades a competent player for a pair of Double-A pitchers you never heard of. 

Important Sequitur: In light of that other baseball story, we now have an apropos contrast.